


Again and Again and Again

by SilverTonguedWriter



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Cheating, Domestic Violence, Drinking, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, tight knit family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:31:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverTonguedWriter/pseuds/SilverTonguedWriter
Summary: Marvin loves his tight knit family and he knows they would do anything for him. And they would.





	Again and Again and Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so I've chosen to be intentionally vague about this piece because I don't want to spoil what I hope will be a big revelation in the next chapter. 
> 
> There is a good bit of abusive behavior from Marvin toward Trina, though it's mostly Marvin's thoughts rather than outright actions, so bear that in mind when reading. Also some homophobic thoughts, so watch out for that too.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!!!

Marvin groaned as he was torn from sleep by the shrill bell of his alarm clock. He rolled over to turn it off and yawned, looking over at his wife who was already sitting up and stretching groggily to pep herself up.

“Morning, Trina,” Marvin grunted, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. God he was tired, although why, Marvin couldn’t say. He had done nothing but go to work the previous day, and he’d even gone to bed early.

Trina smiled at Marvin in acknowledgement before she pulled on her robe and left, presumably to make Marvin’s breakfast like she did every morning.

Marvin took a moment to appreciate the devotion that Trina had for him as he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He groaned and stretched, the muscles in his thighs and back feeling unusually sore.

The hot water of the shower did wonders on Marvin’s complaining muscles, the hot rivulets trailing over his body like sweet caresses from a gentle lover. Marvin took a moment to imagine hands on his body instead of the water, groping and teasing in just the way Marvin would like it.

Marvin imagined large hands stroking his body, a tall muscular form behind him, kissing his neck and back, soaping up his body, pulling him apart in the nicest way.

Marvin’s eyes snapped open abruptly when he heard a knock on the bathroom door.

“Marvin, breakfast is ready.” It was Trina. She did this every morning, usually to cut Marvin’s shower short and save some of the hot water for herself. It was the one selfish thing she ever did, so Marvin never commented on it… much.

He shut off the water and toweled off, walking back into his room and getting dressed for the day.

On opposite sides of the kitchen table sat Marvin and Jason, like two magnets that repel. Marvin read his daily paper while Jason stared disinterestedly at the little chess pieces spread out across their board. Both boys waited silently to be served their breakfast.

Trina served her husband first, then her son, dishing out the pancakes liberally. Trina poured her husband a cup of coffee, looking less pleased with the task than usual, Marvin noted. He would have to ask her about that later. He hated not being served breakfast with a smile.

Eventually Trina joined her family at the table to eat her own breakfast, trying and failing to engage Jason in a conversation.

“Jason, honey, how is school going?” Trina asked, a hopeful smile on her face as she took a bite of her pancake. It was the first time all morning that she looked genuinely interested in anything. Marvin tried not to be too offended. “Meet any cute girls recently?”

Jason just groaned and moved a chess piece, picking absently at his food.

“Trina, he’s just a kid,” Marvin remarked, annoyed, looking over his paper at Trina. “He isn’t thinking about girls yet.”

Though now that Marvin looked at Jason, the boy did look a little older than he normally did, a little more mature.

“Jason, did you grow a little in your sleep?” Marvin asked, looking over appraisingly at his son.

Jason mumbled something that Marvin couldn’t quite make out. Then in an uncharacteristic display of disrespect to Marvin, Jason stood up and left, throwing a, “I’m going to Johnny’s,” over his shoulder.

And then it was just Marvin and Trina.

“What the hell was that about?” Marvin spat at his wife like it was somehow her fault. Because, wasn’t it?

Trina just threw her hands up in the air as if to say “How should I know?” and began cleaning up the breakfast dishes, less carefully than Marvin would have liked.

What was happening to Marvin’s family? His usually sweet, docile wife was acting like a completely different person. She didn’t hang on Marvin’s every word or seek desperately for his approval. And Jason. Jason was acting more like a broody teenager than the quiet, reserved ten year old that he was.

Marvin ran his fingers through his curly hair and gave a pained sigh, then moved into his office. Maybe he could sort out what was wrong with his family after he got some expense reports done. Work usually seemed to calm the swirling thoughts in his head.

About an hour passed by before Marvin realized that Trina had yet to come bother him in his office. Which was quite unusual. Trina almost always came into his office to try to seduce him on his days off.

She was needy like that, always needing to feel close to Marvin. It was annoying.

Marvin usually brushed her off with a “Love isn’t sex, dear,” or a flimsy excuse about being behind on work, but it was still odd to him that she hadn’t even tried yet. He set aside his papers and left in search of his wife.

“You don’t understand.” Trina was on the phone, her back to Marvin. Her tone was hushed and she sounded stressed. If Marvin could see her face, he thought he might see tears in her eyes. 

“Jason is acting out and Marvin is, well, he’s  _ Marvin _ .” Trina sniffed as she spoke into the receiver.

Marvin wasn’t sure how to react to what Trina was saying, but he sure as hell wasn’t pleased. He wondered suddenly who his wife could possibly be talking to. Her mother? A friend?

Either way, it made Marvin angry to hear his wife talking about him to someone else. What happened in his house was his business and no one else’s. How dare she complain about him?

It was then that Trina must have sensed she was not alone because she turned around, her face turning pale and frightened. She immediately hung the receiver up on the wall, her hands shaking. There were indeed tears in her eyes, which threatened to spill down her cheeks.

“Marvin, I can explain,” Trina started, coming toward her husband to take his hands. If she was holding his hands, there was less chance that Marvin would use them against her.

“Explain what?” Marvin spat, shoving Trina away from him in disgust. “That you’re complaining about me behind my back? Our marriage is  _ nobody’s _ business but our own.”

Trina began to back away, shrinking into herself and muttering apologies, as if to become less of an easy target for Marvin. She jumped when her back hit the wall, but aside from that she stayed still, her eyes downcast as she waited for whatever Marvin decided to do.

Marvin walked toward her, his hand raised, when the phone rang, pulling Marvin out of his rage-filled haze. He suddenly felt the weight of what he was about to do and reached out to Trina to see if she was okay.

“Baby, I’m so sorry-” He started, a feeling of terrible guilt sinking like a pit in his stomach.

“No,” Trina said softly, sinking to the ground, her body racked with sobs. It hurt Marvin’s heart to know he caused her to look so broken, so sad. “Just get the phone,” she choked out.

Marvin was torn between trying to comfort his wife and doing as she said to try and make up for getting angry. After a moment of debate, he decided on answering the phone. Trina probably didn’t want his comfort right now anyway.

“Trina?” The voice over the phone asked frantically. It was a man’s voice. Marvin’s rage filled his heart anew.

“Who the hell is this?” Marvin asked, his hot gaze falling on Trina once more. Trina knew how Marvin felt about her talking to other men.

“O-oh, Marvin,” the man’s voice sounded embarrassed. “It’s Mendel... Weisenbachfeld,” he added for clarification. “I was calling about our session this afternoon.”

This sufficed to calm Marvin greatly and he took a breath to make himself relax. It was only his psychiatrist calling about a session. Trina wasn’t cheating on him.

“Ah, Mendel,” Marvin said in a far-too-cheery tone, possibly compensating for the borderline murderous tone from before.

Mendel gave a nervous laugh, as he was known to do, and continued, “Anyway, I just needed to know if we were still on for 5 o’clock.”

Marvin gave a confused “Yes” and that was that. Mendel thanked Marvin for confirming and hung up the phone. It seemed odd to Marvin because Mendel rarely called to confirm appointments, but Marvin just wrote it off as part of the psychiatrist’s quirky nature.

Marvin and Trina sat in silence, looking warily at each other before Trina finally declared, while fixing her makeup, that she would be visiting her mother for the afternoon and would be back in time to make dinner. Marvin didn’t try to stop her. He felt bad enough as is. Trina deserved some time apart from Marvin.

With the house all to himself, Marvin decided to pull out his partially written play script and work on it for a while. It was a story about a man who felt trapped in his life and yearned to be free, but had no idea how to get what he wanted.

It was in no way autobiographical.

While flipping through his notebook to refresh himself on what he’d written so far, he found a flyer that he placed in his notebook a little while ago, completely forgotten until now.

It was a flyer for a gay bar.

Marvin wasn’t even sure why he kept it, but he just couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. Chalk it up to morbid curiosity?

On the flyer was a calendar for the events of the upcoming month. Marvin noted that tonight was “Twinks Drink Free” night. Marvin had no clue what that meant, but he wasn’t  _ uninterested _ in finding out.

He slipped the flyer into his pocket and went back to looking over his play notes.

Marvin worked on a scene for several hours, becoming utterly lost in his writing. It was the one time in Marvin’s life where he felt completely himself, unrestricted by the expectations placed upon him as a husband and father. It was as close to being free as Marvin ever got.

The scene was about the protagonist meeting his true love for the first time. Marvin was careful not to describe the gender of the Man’s true love. Initially he tried assigned a feminine name to the True Love character, but it seemed… wrong. So Marvin settled for a nameless, ambiguous character that he could pretend did not resemble a tall, fit man in any way.

Before Marvin knew it, it was time to leave for his appointment with Mendel.

It was a rather uneventful session, seeing as Mendel spent most of the time asking about Marvin’s wife, whom he’d never even met. Mendel seemed to be more concerned with how Trina was feeling than with how Marvin was feeling.

When Mendel said “Time’s up,” his usual dismissal of his patients, Marvin was relieved. Something seemed off about Mendel today. He was more nervous than normal, seeming almost disapproving when Marvin revealed how he’d almost hit his wife earlier.

Marvin did  _ not _ like being judged, especially by the one person who was supposed to always listen and  _ never _ judge him.

Marvin was on his way home when he remembered the flyer in his pocket. He pulled over to take out the piece of paper and inspect it once more. The address of the bar was printed on the bottom in bold, black letters. It wasn’t far from where Marvin was now.

Before he could think better of it, Marvin turned the car around and drove in the direction of the gay bar. Marvin was going to a Gay Bar. Where Gay Men would be.

A thrill ran down his spine.

What the hell was Marvin  _ doing _ ?

The bar was rather busy, which both comforted Marvin and made him more nervous. The music thumped loudly and men of all kinds danced in the center of the room, which Marvin presumed was the dance floor.

These men were shameless as they grinded up against one another, some even kissing. Marvin averted his gaze, scandalized at the sight of two men kissing, though he couldn’t help spike of arousal that went through his body.

Marvin strolled over to the bar, feigning confidence and taking a seat. He ordered the strongest drink he could think of. He needed to be much less sober if he wanted to stay in a place like this for very much longer. The bartender placed a shot glass full of a dark liquid in front of Marvin and he drank it gratefully, the burn of the drink relaxing him marginally.

It was then that Marvin decided to fully scope out the crowd of men that surrounded him. There were plenty of attractive men and plenty of repulsive men. Marvin cringed at the sight of those overly feminine men with the limp wrists and makeup. They were just so obvious about their sexuality. They had no shame. They weren’t really men.

Marvin’s eyes stopped on one man, however. Marvin didn’t know how he could have ever missed him, considering how he towered above every other man in the place.

The freakishly tall man danced up against another far less attractive guy, a look of careless bliss on the tall man’s face as his body thrummed with the music. He looked so free. It made Marvin’s heart ache a bit.

Oh how he wished he could be as free as this stunningly beautiful man.

After a few minutes of carefully watching the man, their eyes connected and Marvin’s heart shot up into his throat. It was unmistakable. A look like recognition flickered across the man’s face before it was replaced with a different look entirely too sinful to be worn in public.

The man seemed to almost beckon Marvin over to him without words. Marvin found himself moving toward the man, no longer in control of his own body. He was under this man’s spell.

The man in turn walked toward Marvin, their bodies meeting on the edge of the dance floor. Wordlessly, the man wrapped his arms around Marvin’s waist pulling him close, and staring meaningfully into his eyes. Marvin was surprised at himself for not even trying to protest the intimate touch.

Marvin heard nothing over the pounding in his heart (or was that just the music?), but he did manage to stutter out a pathetic “Hello.”

“Hi,” the man replied with a look of total bemusement. “I’m Whizzer.”

“Whizzer,” Marvin repeated, dazedly, completely entranced by the beauty of the man before him. He was even prettier up close. Marvin felt unworthy of his presence.

“Want to get out of here?” Whizzer murmured in his ear, his lips brushing Marvin’s neck, causing Marvin to visibly shiver.

Marvin nodded wordlessly. And then Whizzer was pulling Marvin out of the bar and leading them both to Marvin’s car. Marvin was too distracted to even ask how Whizzer knew which car was his (not that he truly cared at this moment), as if the two of them somehow already knew each other. Perhaps in another life.

Whizzer pushed Marvin up against the driver’s side of the car and kissed him senseless. It was a searing kiss that left Marvin weak in the knees and gave him a renewed belief in God.

After all, God had to exist for a kiss so incredible to be possible, right?

As Whizzer took Marvin’s entire belief system apart with his lips, his large hands groped Marvin’s front in search of something. Whizzer pulled away when he found what he was looking for: car keys. 

“Hey,” Marvin protested, trying to get the keys back, but Whizzer just laughed, holding them out of reach.

Damn this insanely tall, handsome man.

“Relax, Marv,” Whizzer said with a charming smile. “I’m just driving you to my apartment.”

Whizzer somehow knew that Marvin would try to protest again, but he simply pressed a finger to Marvin’s lips and said, “You’ve been drinking, so I’ll drive. I’m not stealing your car, old man.”

That seemed to convince Marvin because he finally complied and got into the passenger seat, making a comment about how he was not, in fact, an old man. 

But Marvin wouldn’t give up full control that easily. So he spent the entire car ride massaging circles into Whizzer’s thigh and kissing his neck. For some reason it felt so natural, so right to be touching Whizzer. His soft, tan skin felt somehow familiar. His scent seemed calming to Marvin in a way he’d never experienced.

Marvin would continue to have that feeling for the rest of the night, feeling a tingling sensation in the back of his mind, like this was somehow his true home.

Though he couldn’t focus on that feeling for very long because Whizzer was too busy tearing Marvin apart, making him feel a pleasure he’d never felt before, leaving his body sated and sore and completely exhausted. It was exhilarating.

Marvin almost convinced himself to stay the night, but he knew he couldn’t. Trina was waiting.

Marvin drove himself home, against Whizzer’s protests (“You’re still buzzed, Marvin.”), he trudged up into his room, set his alarm for work tomorrow, kissed his sleeping wife’s forehead, and went to sleep.

Marvin groaned as he was torn from sleep by the shrill bell of his alarm clock.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!! I'll try to update soon.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think??


End file.
